Here are the 10 best UFO revelations Netflix could come up with

UFOlogy is a cult. Only a cultist could still cling to fantasies this ludicrous.

Thanks for reading my newsletter separating reality from bullshit in pop culture. I wrote this at 11pm at night on a road trip, driving with my astrophysicist daughter back to grad school, with a cheap-ass bottle of $6 red wine from a gas station. It tastes like ass, so I am in a salty mood, so I show little reserve in my disdain for Netflix’s latest effort to vomit bullshit all over us as if we are their own private bedpan. Subscribe if you appreciate this important work.

A sad photo of UFOlogist George Knapp having hit absolute rock bottom.

Every cult has its Day of Reckoning. For UFOlogists, it’s called “Disclosure,” the day when The Government will reveal all about our alien visitors, and True Believers will ascend and earn their rightful place of honor, and all of us nonbelievers and Elite Scientists will be cast into the pit of I Told You So.

Evangelical groups who have predicted the Rapture and other End of Days events have been wrong 100% of the time for centuries, and so have the UFOlogists with their many predictions of Disclosure that have come and gone with nothing being disclosed. Faith is the central tenet of both religions. Christians sometimes try to prove the literal truth of the Bible, which is weird because doing so marginalizes their faith. Similarly, UFOlogists commonly point to every random anecdote and photo of a balloon as proof their belief is true. They would do better to stick with faith, just like the Christians; their evidentiary proofs are getting so laughable that even Netflix can’t keep a straight face trying to present them.

To back up my claim, I present the following: An article on Screenrant lists the “10 most shocking reveals from Netflix’s Investigation Alien documentary.” This features lifelong alien visitation advocate George Knapp, attempting to present himself as some kind of objective journalist who is shocked to learn the Truth. Here are his 10 best proofs of alien visitation, with my comments on each (and feel free to open up that Screenrant article in a window next to this one as you read):

• Proof #10: Cattle mutilation. Knapp claims only aliens could kill a cow and leave the exact same predation wounds that birds and insects do. 99% of ranchers, and 100% of wildlife biologists, can explain that birds and insects actually do exist and actually do what they do. Knapp managed to find the 1% of ranchers who must be new around here. More info.

• Proof #9: 1977 UFO reports in Colares, Brazil. Brazilian authorities investigated claims that several hundred people had been burned by beams coming from flying saucers through northern Brazil in 1977-1978. No report was ever published. UFOlogists tried to get the results of their investigation anyway and found that half of the reports had come from one guy, and most of the other half from a couple of his friends. No useful photographs or documented injuries have ever been found. That’s good enough for George Knapp though; aliens are here and are actively burning us all with lasers. Nothing can burn people other than extraterrestrial aliens. More info.

• Proof #8: The jellyfish alien. Last year, George Knapp’s friend and fellow alien visitation advocate Jeremy Corbell showed a video clip he claimed was taken in Iraq in 2018. It showed an odd shape, like a jellyfish or chandelier, supposedly floating over a US base. The guys at Metabunk identified it almost immediately as a specific party balloon in gold mylar of some Arabic characters; but Knapp believes only aliens can make mylar party balloons. More info.

• Proof #7: Warm ocean currents off of Mexico. Knapp believes beneficent aliens are the only possible explanation for why one part of Mexico seems immune from tropical storm damage. Meteorologists say that the warm currents don’t really make such storm conditions possible there. (Remember, this a top-10 list of best proofs that aliens visit the Earth.)

• Proof #6: A poorly photographed speck of light. Dive master and self-described “underwater archaeologist” Rory Kremer told George Knapp he is convinced there is an underwater alien base off California’s Channel Islands. As proof, he shows blurry and completely useless video of what he says is an out-of-focus light in the sky. While the rest of us do this 😳, Knapp strikes the gavel and declares that finally, unassailable proof of alien visitation has been secured.

• Proof #5: The Roswell mythology. Knapp seems to believe the “alien crash” in Roswell in 1947 was a real thing. In fact the yarn was woven from nothing and published by the National Enquirer in the late 1970s… before which the story had never existed at all, because nothing happened at all. More info.

• Proof #4: One guy says he saw a UFO once, but misplaced his very detailed video. A dude once told Knapp that while he was in Sumatra (so exotic the story must be true), he a saw a huge flying saucer built with exposed rivets and seams, you know, like aliens would. He took glorious video but explains that Men In Black stole it from him. Knapp had no choice but to overturn his native skepticism and conclude that the guy’s story could not be challenged and therefore must be literally true.

• Proof #3: A rando once gave Knapp a chunk of ordinary, unremarkable metal. A guy once told Knapp a highly suspect and thoroughly unevidenced story of how he and his father once scavenged a UFO crash site, but never told anybody. Now, 25 years later, did he give the piece of metal he saved to scientists? To NASA? To the GSA? No; he gave it to UFOlogist George Knapp, who found nothing interesting about it. Knapp named this his third strongest proof of alien visitation.

• Proof #2: A flight of A-10 Thunderbolts once performed a perfectly normal exercise. In 1997, A-10s from the Maryland Air National Guard jettisoned their unused LUU-2B/B high intensity illumination flares over the Barry M. Goldwater range in Arizona. 70 miles away, people looking that direction from Phoenix, AZ though the line of lights in the sky described two edges of a giant triangle UFO over the city. To this day, people at Luke AFB fall down laughing when they hear of this. Case closed as far as George Knapp is concerned; this proof of alien visitation is incontrovertible. More info.

• Proof #1: Ancient people sometimes made rock art. Capitol Reef NP is famous for its petroglyphs (art chipped into the rock surface), and there are also pictographs (art painted onto the rock surface). These were probably done by the Fremont and Ancestral Puebloan people, circa 300-1300 CE. Anthropologists delight in explaining how and why these art pieces were made, and can explain what most of them represent. But UFOlogist Knapp (knowing nothing about anthropology) doesn’t recognize some of them, and since he doesn't know, the rest of us are forced to accept that they can only be absolute proof of alien visitation.

Please, UFOlogists. You were doing much better when it was all about faith. Stick with the faith. Your evidence is ass juice.