The Three Questions Test

If you're "of a certain age," you likely used this on your first date

Thanks for reading my newsletter that separates reality from bullshit in pop culture. Today’s bullshit is that this little quiz has roots in legitimate psychology. It doesn’t. But it doesn’t need to in order to be both fun and useful. If you enjoy my work, please consider making it a two-way street and becoming a paid subscriber:

In 1994 we were at a Golden Spoon frozen yogurt restaurant in Irvine, CA when I asked her the three questions:

• What’s your favorite color?

• What’s your favorite animal?

• What’s your favorite body of water?

Remember those, friends; the world’s greatest first date icebreaker.

When I asked her the questions, I probably said (as I believed) that they were from a famous college psychology class. But now that I am a Grown-Ass Man and a professional wet blanket, I have done the work to conclude that these questions have no known origins at all; and are certainly not from the world of psychology. Although that is the vaguely-made claim for every print reference to them. They’re from Freud, or Jung, or — or nothing else, since Freud and Jung are the only two names in psychology known to almost everyone. Yet there is no record of either man discussing such a concept.

So, if you have heard of these questions, the origin story you were given was likely more vague: a friend is a psychology student and learned them in class, or an unnamed famous psychologist included them in his book, or some such nebulous reference to psychology.

To explain how the test works, I shall have to get up close and personal with you, and reveal the answers I gave when I first heard about it. The questions listed above are simple but not quite right. The idea is not to get the person’s favorite color; but rather to get the reasons for the favorite color. Here’s how it goes:

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite color.
  My favorite color has always been blue, but we don’t care about that. We care about why. I said that blue is vibrant (I have always loved my own very blue eyes). I said it was memorable. I said something to the effect that it was clean and pure.

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite animal.
  My favorite animal was the dolphin. Three reasons why? It’s the smartest creature in the sea. It is superior to all the creatures around it. And finally, it seemed like a force for good in the sea.

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite body of water to be in.
  This can be a bathtub. A lake. An ocean. A river. A hot tub. Whatever; anything. I imagined a bathtub or a hot tub or a High Sierra lake (which I wished was warmer). To me, that warm water represented safety, comfort, and an escape from the trials of daily life.

So those are the questions, properly asked, and properly answered. But the real fun comes in the interpretation of the answers! And again, we don’t care about the answers, we care about the reasons for the answers. Do this on your first date, and you’ll have taken everything to the next level.

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite color.
  The claimed interpretation for this is that these adjectives are how you privately see yourself — but don’t reveal that until you’ve asked all three questions!
  So apparently I saw myself as vibrant, memorable, and clean & pure. Many would quarrel with the clean & pure part, but nevertheless, it was interesting that I said those things, and I guess I probably do see myself that way — or at least, I should flatter myself to see myself in those terms.

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite animal.
  The claimed interpretation for this is that these adjectives describe how you wish to be perceived by others.
  I guess it says a lot that I wished to be perceived as smarter, superior, and a force for good. However, I am unhesitant to admit that as a victim of childhood bullying, I craved to be seen in those ways. Interesting that it persisted into adulthood — and I can’t promise I wouldn’t give the same answers if I were asked these questions for the first time today.

• Give me 3 adjectives that describe your favorite body of water to be in.
  The claimed interpretation for this is that it describes the way you view sex.
  I suppose I’m not ashamed to admit that I view a body of warm water as a place of safety, of comfort, and an escape from the trials of daily life. But notice that I didn’t say anything about romance or closeness to a partner. In the light of day, I attribute this to not having understood what the question was secretly looking for when I provided my answers. But, even when I know that now, I’m not sure I’d answer any differently.

There are no references to anything like this test in the writings of either Freud or Jung, or in any other lofty psychologists. Nor is there in the latest DSM-5-TR. Nor in the known lesson plans for any conventional psych classes.

But that doesn’t make the Three Questions Test worthless.

It likely does mean that it has no proven value as a diagnostic tool. But we don’t care about that. We care about it as a First Date tool. And in that capacity it succeeds magnificently. It is a fabulous icebreaker.

As we seek to become better skeptics, better able to understand the realities of the world we live in; it’s important not to forget that everything doesn’t have to have a solid science purpose. It’s OK for some things to exist just for fun; and if they end up actually providing some useful insight into yourself or your partner, well, that’s icing on the cake.

It certainly was for me.